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第35章没有什么不可改变NothingUngeable
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佚名Anonymous
&idyingoutmydraenedonafewdiariesthatI'dkeptlongagshowedayouthful，orratherchildishhand.Icasuallytookupoohavealook.
“Todaytheteaousofthetermexaminations.Tomygreatestsurprise，IwasrankedNo.5ohefirsttimeI'vefailedtoao.1.IwassogrievedthatIweptbitterlyarainedmyselffromsupper.ImustpuisthegreatestfailureI'vesufferediisalsothemostpainfulthingiIshet.”
AtthisI'thelpsmiling.Icouldhardlyrememberwhattheactualsituationwaslike.FormorethahenI'vesufferedlotsoffailuresandpainfulthings，anyoneofwhichismuchweightierthaionsuccess.
&urherpageahefollowing.____________
“Isettoday.IwonderwhyMumshouldhavedoneso.Isn'tshemyMum，mybloodrelatiotoleaveher，leavethishome.InafewdaysI'lltakepartiraions.I'llapplyforadmittaocollegesoruherprovincesfarfromhome.WhenIgo，I'llnevereagain.”
Thisree.Itriedmybesttorecallwhatmotherdidthatannoyedmesomuch.ButhoweverhardItriedIstillfailedtoind.
Iglancedesariesshoastermedas“verygrieving”
，“verypainful”
，or“mettable”
thihiial，orevenlaughablefromtoday'spoihenIputdoiitIsawonitstitlepagethefollowing.
Totheo:
Yourlovewillkeepmepanyallmylife.
Myloveforyouwillneverge.
Itremindedmeofsomeone—avagueimageemergingbeforemyeyes—thebadeskinclasswithme.Iusedtolookonhimasthewholeofmylife.ButsischoolI'vehimagain.Iknownothingabouthim:whereheisnoworwhatheisdoing.AllIknowisthathislovedoesn'tkeepmepanywhilemylovehasalreadyged.
HavingundergonesomanygesofpersonsandthingsI'veetorealizethatnothingintheworldisuonlynidcheerfulthingswillgo，painfulahingsassaway.Evehingsregardedasimmutablewillturnoutactuallyalteredafterapassageofyears.Andyou'llfieredishanyouyourself，whatremainsungedisonlythechildishaspirationsforhings.
我整理抽屉时，发现了几本很久以前写的日记。
它们记录了我年轻时的思想，或者更确切地说是幼稚的思想。
我随便翻开一本看了看。
“老师今天宣布了期末考试成绩。
让我吃惊的是自己居然得了第五名。
这是我第一次没拿第一名。
我伤心地哭了，晚饭也没吃。
为了这个今生最重大的失败，我必须惩罚自己。
这也是我一生中最痛苦的事情，我永远也不会忘记。”
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